


family dinner hasn't been this gay since yesterday

by jakey_jake



Category: ENHYPEN (Band), I-LAND (Korea TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Making Out, Sequel, Sleepy Cuddles, Why Did I Write This?, a bonus chapter or sumn idk, daniel is going to cry tears of crack, euijoo gets wild in this one prepare yourselves, geonu is secretly very whipped, hanbin is calm but not really, heeseung is whipped but he doesnt hide it lmao, jaebeom is clingy uwu, jaeho is that one quiet kid at the dinner table, jakehoon are in love and are practically married, jay is not okay thanks for asking, jimin is going to grow wings and ascend into the heaven that is raging gays, jungwon is secretly plotting against everyone, kei is still done with yall mfs, kyungmin bunny boi, nicholas is on feet juice, niki STILL has a lighter idk why, part two to thats gay but i dont mind, seon is this close to flipping a table, sungcheol didnt invite his friends this time, sunoo looks fabulous, taeyong is slowly breakdancing away, taki will not hesitate to punch everyone, yoonwon needs a macaroon, youngbin tall boi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:13:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28392939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jakey_jake/pseuds/jakey_jake
Summary: Taeyong gets up and starts breakdancing towards the door. "I'm just gonna go commit no-existence."Ni-ki stands up as well. "I'm coming with you.""Bring your lighter, we can go burn bushes in hell or something.""Doesn't hell already have fire?""We can add more fire and play 'Fire' by BTS to make it spicier.""I like your thinking."Euijoo walks in, surveys his surroundings, and promptly moonwalks to where Taeyong and Ni-ki are standing. "Bring me with you."Kei slams his head on the table. "I hate it here."or: the aftermath to "that's gay (but i don't mind)"
Relationships: Lee Geonu/Lee Heeseung, Park Sunghoon/Shim Jaeyoon | Jake
Comments: 29
Kudos: 57





	family dinner hasn't been this gay since yesterday

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SSpian0](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SSpian0/gifts), [iuwui](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iuwui/gifts), [hypegirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypegirl/gifts), [TooManyFandomsToBeSane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooManyFandomsToBeSane/gifts), [consistently_inconsistent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/consistently_inconsistent/gifts).



> I GOT BORED OKAY
> 
> i was just laying here, changing my profile pic (it's jake, ofc it's jake) and i was like "what if i wrote a sequel to my jakehoon fic"
> 
> lmao that rhymed i should lowkey be a rapper
> 
> pic, fic, dic―
> 
> right then
> 
> since jakehoon are alr dating in this one its gonna be more chaotic so STRAP IN BUDDIES
> 
> also i dedicate this to all the talented, lovely people on this platform (IT WON'T LET ME TAG GUEST ACCS BUT THIS IS FOR PENCIL TOO)
> 
> enjoy the gay! <333

"Family dinner!" Nicholas whoots, standing on the table while dramatically stomping his feet. "A truly important holiday!"

The 23 friends are currently seated at a very, VERY long table at the location of Jake's house. 

Why, you may ask?

Family dinner is the only logical explaination.

"Hear, hear!" Euijoo cheers, raising his glass.

"Hear, hear!" Jay agrees, lifting his own glass of apple juice.

Sunghoon slams his head on the table. "Not even five seconds in, and you're already on some next level crack."

"Oh, dear Sunghoonie," Nicholas smiles, ignoring the raging glare from Jake. "I'm not on crack, for crack is saved for the weak bitches! I, Wang Nicholas Yixiang, am on feet juice! Yum yum, crusty ass looking whores."

Hanbin falls over laughing. "That's my fucking boyfriend," he giggles between gasps.

"Nicholas has a foot fetish," Heeseung snorts out.

"Are we surprised?" Geonu rolls his eyes. "He's Nicholas, for fuck's sake."

Ta-ki blinks innocently. "What does 'fuck' mean?"

Kei, across the dinner table, lets out a mortified scream.

Seon puts on a smile that would rival any Disney villain, and says sweetly, "It means happy."

"Oh!" Ta-ki exclaims. "That's a nice word! I'm very fuck today!"

Jay looks half amused, half horrified. Ni-ki wants to laugh but doesn't.

Sunoo chokes on air.

"ANYWAY!" Geonu shouts loudly, desperately wanting to change the subject. "We should eat. Don't wanna get too weird, you know?"

"Geonu," Jimin sighs in disappointment. "We're all weird."

"Point taken. What I probably meant to say was, Ta-ki, don't listen to Seon. Ni-ki, put away your lighter. I can see you trying to hide it. Euijoo, stop swearing at the picture of baby Jake, he can't hear you. Taeyong, stop trying to escape through the window, it's family time. Put away your phone, Hee. I love you, but no. Jake, stop shamelessly flirting with Sunghoon, it's making me sick. Yoonwon, stay AWAY from the cookie table until dessert. Nicholas, stop trying to explain to Sungcheol what foot juice is and how to get it. Kei, you should take a nap after all of this is over. And with everything out of the way, let us commence with family dinner!" Geonu claps, sitting down.

"Wow," Heeseung breathes out. "You're very serious about this."

"It's family dinner, you stupid idiot that I am unfortunately head over heels for. Of course I'm serious about this," Geonu scoffs.

"Geonu, the literal opposite of everything you just said happens on a daily basis," Jimin groans. "Ta-ki trusts Seon with his life, Ni-ki is emotionally attached to his lighter, Euijoo always swears at everyone's baby pictures for some weird reason, Taeyong's always trying to sneak away from us, Heeseung would trade everyone's life for five more minutes on his phone, Jakehoon always shamelessly flirt and then shamelessly make out, Yoonwon's always heading for the macaroons, Nicholas has been obsessed with the idea of feet juice since FIFTH GRADE, and Kei probably hasn't slept in the last fifty centuries he's been alive."

Besides an offended, "Hey! I am NOT that old!" from Kei, no one speaks up because Jimin is right. Jimin prophet. Amen.

Hanbin shouts, "PREACH, BROTHER!" from the other end of the table, effectively breaking the moment.

Jaebeom just looks at him in awe. "How do you know all of that?"

"Well, firstly. I have functioning eyes, like you. Secondly, I'm an angel from heaven. I will soon grow wings and ascend into the paradise that is raging gays."

A collective "Ooh!" goes around the table, save for Kei, who's done with this bullshit.

"Man, I'm literally seven seconds away from up and leaving."

"You feel my pain, grandfather," Taeyong sighs.

"I'M LITERALLY NOT EVEN THAT OLD???"

"His age rivals even that of the holy god we worship that is Euiniel the cow," Daniel grins.

"The fuck is Euiniel the cow?" Sungcheol asks, cocking a brow.

Both Daniel and Euijoo let out matching scandalized gasps. "You know not of Euiniel the cow, the holy one that produces Danjoo yogurt?"

"...No? I've never even heard of Danjoo yogurt!"

"25% extra calcium," Euijoo whispers, as if it's forbidden. "And you know not of it?!"

"Cut the crap," Youngbin sighs. "What is it?"

"The better version of Byunkim," Daniel says simply.

"Oh," Heeseung cackles. "It's your shipname. I knew you were whipped for each other!"

"No," Euijoo solemly corrects. "Euiniel, the holy cow. Danjoo, the holy yogurt. Byunkim, the original holy one."

"Together," Daniel continues, as if it's an oath he's required to memorize, "they make the holy Euijoo Daniel trinity."

"Amen," Jaebeom adds. "I am ready to dedicate my soul and my life to this game-changing religion."

"Today we worship Euiniel the cow," Jungwon whispers, clasping his hands together. "Hallelujah."

"Give thanks to the cow above," Jake supplies unhelpfully.

"𝘑𝘢𝘬𝘦," Sunghoon says warningly.

"What?!" Jake protests. "It's interesting!"

"If the man wants to worship the cow, let him," Jaeho sighs. "I'm the only one who TRULY knows who we worship."

"Oh?" Daniel says, leaning across the table. "Say it, and if it is not part of the Euijoo Daniel holy trinity, then so let me cry tears of pure crack."

"We worship Kei," Jaeho snorts. "Our ever immortal centuries old god."

Kei lets out a noise of protest, but there's a loud sea of applause and whooping that drowns him out. "And to think the quiet kid would be this witty."

Even Seon cackles, Jaebeom using this to his advantage as he steals a chip from the former's plate.

Daniel nods. "I admit, even the largest of cows are tiny compared to our savior Kei."

"He came down from his bed of sleep to save us all, and has so been going without it for millennia," Hanbin snickers.

"Millennia," Ta-ki says, blinking rapidly.

"Keep this up and my 'I'm okay' is going to turn into 'I wanna yeet off the nearest cliff,'" Jay warns.

"Did we ask?" Jungwon mocks.

"I am THIS close to kicking you out of my apartment."

"I look fabulous," Sunoo pipes out of nowhere, whipping out a bag of makeup. "Anyone else want to join the fabulous cult?"

"Yeah...no," Yoonwon says, abruptly standing up. "I'm just gonna go get a macaron. Peace."

"Can I say something?" Heeseung pipes up, beaming.

Sunghoon groans. "Heeseung, if this is a pickup line aimed specifically at Geonu, then none of us want to hear it."

Geonu pretends not to hear, but promptly flushes down to the roots of his hair.

"Boo. I had a good one, too! It went something like...uh, I'm the best for you."

Jake looks horrified. "That's MY pickup line!"

"Can confirm," Sunghoon manages through a mouthful of potatoes. "He used it on me two days after we met."

Heeseung rolls his eyes. "You didn't claim ownership of the pickup line, so it's not yours. I CLAIM IT, IT'S MINE, I HAVE ALL RIGHTS TO USE IT ON GEONU."

Seon flips his chair, flips someone's shoe, flips everyone off, and calmly exits.

Sungcheol sighs. "This is why we can't have nice things."

Jaebeom clings to Kyungmin. "Minnie, hold me away from the misfortune and rage that is this family dinner table."

Kyungmin just pats his head as a response. "You'll live."

Jaebeom groans. "I'm really not."

Euijoo stands up, claims to get a glass of water, and promptly disappears for fifteen minutes.

Heeseung stands up, suddenly wanting to stir chaos, and says, "Water isn't wet."

Jay slams his hands on the table. "What the fuck are you talking about, it's wATER―"

Taeyong gets up and starts breakdancing towards the door. "I'm just gonna go commit no-existence."

Ni-ki stands up as well. "I'm coming with you."

"Bring your lighter, we can go burn bushes in hell or something."

"Doesn't hell already have fire?"

"We can add more fire and play 'Fire' by BTS to make it spicier."

"I like your thinking."

Euijoo walks in, surveys his surroundings, and promptly moonwalks to where Taeyong and Ni-ki are standing. "Bring me with you."

Kei slams his head on the table. "I hate it here."

Ta-ki blinks again. "Do you want me to punch someone?"

Kei points wordlessly at Seon, who's just re-entered. "Attack my boyfriend, please."

"KEI, WHAT THE HEL―"

Ta-ki and Seon go flying, probably somewhere near the kitchen.

Youngbin stands up, adjusts the strings of his hoodie, slings a surprised Taeyong (who hasn't left yet) onto his back, and walks out the door. "Bye."

Geonu dashes after him. "YOUNGBIN, IT'S FAMILY DINNER NIGHT!! Son of a―Heeseung, get the chainsaw."

The two of them chase after Taeyong, Youngbin, Ni-ki, and Euijoo, all with Heeseung somehow holding a chainsaw and cackling manically.

Jake sighs. "I reckon that in ten seconds, everyone's going to be at each other's throats with fancy silver kitchen utensils."

"I can't imagine how you would be able to wave a spoon at someone threateningly," Jimin says, looking confused. "Like, how WOULD you do that?"

"Like this," Kei demonstrates, throwing a spoon at the nearest person. Sungcheol, who happens to be that unfortunate soul, gets whacked in the forehead and goes down with an indignant, "Ow!"

"Ow indeed," Nicholas says solemly. "We pray for our lost brother Sungcheol. May he rise up with the angels and witness the beauty of Euiniel the cow."

"I'm right here. A little bruised, but still alive."

"Sometimes we can still hear his voice," Sunghoon says wistfully, feeling the air around him as if looking for spirits.

"Idiots," Sungcheol sighs.

"I am calm," Hanbin says, closing his eyes. "I am in a state of mind control, and I am calm."

"Are you really, though?"

Hanbin stands. "I am getting a glass of water before I am not," he narrates, walking towards the kitchen.

"It must've been the feet juice," Nicholas sighs. "Might've been too strong."

Jungwon whispers swear words under his breath and internally tries to dechiper how to hide 22 bodies.

Wow, Wonnie has a dark side! 

Geonu, Heeseung, Youngbin, Taeyong, Ni-ki, and Euijoo suddenly return, all suspiciously calm.

"What did you do?" Kei groans, getting too old to be able to deal with these shenanigans.

"Forced them to eat mint chocolate ice cream," Heeseung beams. "Only Ni-ki enjoyed it."

"Mint choco is heaven, fight me on that."

"On god," Sunoo agrees, high-fiving the younger.

Geonu gives them a look of disgust and asks, "Should I be any amount concerned for their taste buds?"

"Nah," Heeseung confirms. "They're young, dumb, and broke. They'll come to their senses eventually."

On the other hand, SunKi look offended. "MINT CHOCOLATE IS A LOVE THAT I'LL NEVER LET GO!" Ni-ki cries, falling to the floor. 

"AGREED!" Sunoo sobs, curling into a ball. "YOU CAN'T TEAR US AWAY FROM OUR PRECIOUS LOVE!"

The prize for 'most dramatic human beings' go to...SunKi!

Kei grumbles something along the lines of, "Children these days, I swear..." and leaves the room.

"Sooo..." Jaebeom pipes up. "...Anyone up for Monopoly?"

"AHA!" Jaeho grins. "You challenge my Monopoly skills!"

"But that's not fair," Jimin whines. "You're literally the Donald Trump of Monopoly."

Youngbin cackles. Kyungmin, who is currently ten seconds away from tears, sighs and proceeds to walk to the living room.

Jaeho gapes. "You did NOT just compare me to that ugly carrot looking thing."

Jake smirks. "Then my brothers, pray that one of us shall become the Obama of Monopoly and save the day."

"I was summoned?" Euijoo pipes up, bringing out his 'I love Obama' t-shirt.

"Where―?" Sunghoon chokes. "You know what, I'm not even gonna ask."

"Better if you don't," Jake says.

"Better if you DO," Euijoo corrects. "Always question the man, my man."

"He's insane," Jimin cackles. "I like him."

Daniel screams, "DON'T STEAL MY BEST FRIEND!!" from somewhere off in the hallway, and Euijoo smiles.

"Anyone up for feet juice?" Nicholas asks, popping in with a glass. "It's really good."

"You stole alchohol from my fridge again, didn't you?" Jake groans.

"Yeah," Nicholas laughs evilly, running off.

"WANG YIXIANG!!! NOT THE ALCHOHOL!!!" Jake screeches, taking chase.

Sunghoon sighs, and trails after them. "Kei was right, I really DO hate it here."

"You love us, though," Jungwon protests.

"Yeah, I do," Sunghoon grumbles. "Unfortunately."

Jungwon smiles, a geniune one that reaches the corners of his eyes. "We love you too, Sunghoon. Jake a little more than the rest of us, but we love you nonetheless."

"STAY AWAY FROM MY FUTURE HUSBAND, JUNGWON," Jake shouts from the kitchen. Sunghoon tries his best not to blush.

"JUNGWON'S 𝘔𝘠 FUTURE HUSBAND, SON OF A BITCH!" Jay yells.

"WHORE―DO YOU WANNA GO?! BECAUSE WE CAN GO!"

Sunghoon sighs again. "Jake, if you try to attack anyone today, you're not getting your daily cuddles."

"Jake's a cuddler. Noted."

"Shut up, Jay."

Jake turns up to Sunghoon with the most loving eyes in the universe. "Marry me."

Sunghoon malfunctions. Nervous laugh, activate! "Uh, out of nowhere?" Sunghoon chuckles nervously.

"He gay panicked," Taeyong pipes up, munching on some chips.

"I―wha―I did not!"

"Lies," Kyungmin whispers. "He tells lies."

Sunghoon grabs Jake by the wrist and starts leaving. He turns around midway out the door and throws up a peace sign. "Bye fuckers, you won't be missed."

"H-HOONIE?? THIS IS MY HOUSE??"

"Yeah, no. We're leaving."

"Five bucks they're gonna make out at Sunghoon's apartment."

"Deal."

Nicholas sips at his drink. "The tea is boiling today. Or should I say, the feet juice is boiling today?"

"Nicky," Hanbin groans. "I love you and shit, but please shut the FUCK up."

And so it is, a chaotic family dinner with chainsaws, mint chocolate, gods, Donald Trump, Monopoly, a chaotic Euijoo, and a sleep deprived Kei.

Oh, and the feet juice. 

Never forget the feet juice.

**Author's Note:**

> i am not okay thanks for asking
> 
> this was crack
> 
> in a bottle
> 
> thrown into a sea of feet juice
> 
> lmao anyways
> 
> thanks for reading and i'll see you in the next one! <3333


End file.
